I am sorry that for over a year I have let you my readers down by not posting. Last Labor Day a huge emergency was announced and I truly thought my life had stopped, or at least my heart. Please keep reading and help end the “Silence” about sexual abuse!
Lets start back when I was a mere sweet 16. I had a guy that I thought I really loved. I told him that if he loved me he would not pressure me, instead he raped me. He told all of his friends horrible things about the experience and I really wanted to hide under a rock but no such luck in a small town. I held my head high and went on.
Jump forward several years to when I get married. I had no idea what Domestic Violence was I just knew that something was not right. In many cases of domestic violence sexual abuse occurs, I was a victim to both not only once but twice. It took me many years and still some scares rear up but I have been able to have a healthy loving relationship with a man that I have known most of my life. He understands my fears and holds me tight until the fear goes away and loves me anyway.
Now onto last year. I never once in a million years thought that someone whom we had loved and trusted was abusing bub. For 7 long years he kept a secret from me, it took a younger victim to speak up for the secret to be broken. I can honestly say that from that moment on I not only have I been in shock and horror but I knew that this mama bear was going to protect her cub come Hell or high water! My shock finally turned to anger last week, why it took so long I have no idea but since I am a writer I wrote until the anger and pain inside of me no longer tore at my heart.
The person who abused bub spent time in jail. There was multiple counts against the person yet we found out that justice is not always served. The judge told the jury to rule without a shadow of a doubt, but if there was a question or doubt to find the person not guilty. The abuser walked away and subsequently got their record expunged of it all.
So why did it take bub so long to tell me? Through questioning him and having trauma based therapy I found out that not only was he scared to tell me what was going on but the abuser told him to keep it a secret. The abuser made it a game, looking back I wondered why bubs attitude was way off his normal for about 24 hours after he had been with the abuser, now I know. Bub could not tell me out of fear of hurting his abuser and me. He was told that if he told me that we would both pay, not an easy situation for anyone, let alone a child to be in.
Although bub has graduated from therapy now and is doing well there are times that he asks me why it happened and he becomes angry at his abuser. I can only tell him that his abuser was wrong for what they did and tell him that I am there for him and love him very much. As a mom I feel lost at times because I feel that I am somehow responsible for the abuse bub suffered though my brain knows that I am not.
From our experience I am asking that you my readers learn. Below I have listed some signs of abuse, questions to ask and the emotions that you as a parent may face (I am NOT a doctor these are only my observations). With your help we can help other children and families facing this devastating abuse.
Signs that a child may be being abused:
Crying for no reason
Extreme anger or withdrawal after visiting someone
Knowing things about body parts/sex that you have not told them about
Not wanting to be with the abuser
Questions to ask:
Has someone touched you in or on your private area
Has someone told you to keep a “secret” about things
Has someone ever touched themselves in the privates in front of you
Has someone told you that it was a game
Emotions you may go through:
Thanks for your help!